Bogged-down syndrome setting in. Mid-semester anxiety.

While reading the article Nikki handed out last week for tutors at the Writing Center, I couldn't think straight. It was discussing the the avoidance of appropriation when working with ESL students; however, by the time I got half-way through it, I had already checked out. Lately, I've been getting really bogged down with school and my major as well. Because of this, I go back and forth questioning if I'm doing the right thing with my life. Meaning, should I become an English teacher or not? I feel like I'm trying my hardest but I'm not getting any where. I know that it takes time and patience but sometimes I feel in this major that I'm not qualified to teach students.
Travis is starting to teach now and Jenn is already out there. These two people alone, have put "teaching" into perspective for me lately. It's not that I don't have a desire to teach or help people. In fact, it is the farthest thing from that. Instead, I worry that I will stand in front of a classroom someday and when a student asks me a question regarding grammar or simply why something is the way it is, I won't have an answer for them. Or a straight forward and easy response at least. Anyway, while reading the article about ESL students my mind raced back and forth. Part of me thought of the different students that come into the Writing Center and walk away with some form of knowledge that I taught them and then the other side of me thinks, AHHHH!! What will you do when you're standing in front of twenty different faces asking a million questions? These are the sort of things that went through my head last night.
Like everyone else I hope, I only wanted to talk to someone who I knew would remind me of why I am here. Why I am pursuing this career that has always called out to me, but is a lot harder than many people see or give credit to. So in light of all of this I called my Mom. Hm. No laughing please! As I told her everything that was going through my mind, especially in regard to the not knowing everything someday, she replied, "Whitney, some of the best teachers are the ones that can admit that they don't know everything." And of course, this small but large statement seemed just like something she would say. So optimistic and such that I sort-of blew it off and said "yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, BUT..." And in reality, she's right. As I was telling her everything that was going through my mind...she acted just like a mirror (like what we are suppose to do in tutoring :).) and as funny as that is, she reminded me of why I am pursuing this lifestyle. Why I chose a long time ago to help people and try changing the world! I'm sure all of this sounds corny and quite honestly I can't believe I'm telling whomever (is that right, whomever? I don't know.) all of this, but since I have been slacking on writing these blogs...then hey, why not? HA!

Anyway, I guess I have a few last comments and concerns. To whoever is teaching already, were and/or are you concerned about the same things I am? Not knowing all the technical terms and such? Not being able to run with Grammar Snobs, Language Elitists, etc.? To whoever is not teaching yet and is possibly in the same boat that I am in, do you think I'm crazy? HA! Just joking, I hope you don't think I'm crazy...if so, eh! Whatever the responses are, it is nice to hear from others point of view. It is also nice to have someone around who can remind you of what you're doing and pick you back up out of the stressed-out nightmare and put you back on your feet. Yesterday, that person was my Mom. So thanks mom! You see, you can still help me even when I'm at college! :)

Good times are coming! I just have to be patient enough to actually prove myself! Until then, bring on my punctuation rules, ESL tutoring tactics, and whatever else!